In the 15th century, people believed that honey was the soul of flowers. Let’s expand the metaphor, and think of honey in feminine terms and of bees in masculine terms. Honey is the soul of the flower, her family. Bee, has to work very hard to collect the nectar, sometimes stinging some rivals in the process. Ultimately, his efforts pay off when Nectar (the bride) transforms into Honey (the wife). The man has now found the woman who will become the unifying force in his family unit; or the soul, as the ancients believed. True, times have changed, but over the centuries, the woman has been the core, the one who gathered everyone near the hearth.
But before the man can call out, “Honey, I’m home,” he has to choose from numerous possibilities. So many types, so little time! There is enticing Black Locust, the Elizabeth Taylor of honeys. She’s powerful, smoldering and hard to resist. Next, who can forget about Alfalfa, the friendly yet dazzling girl-next-door, the Natalie Portman of honeys? Clover’s the popular one, beckoning with the brandy coloring and the Scarlett Johansson voice. Dandelion is blond, but like Gwyneth Paltrow. And we must include Orange Blossom, who prefers to dye her hair, recalling Goldie Hawn’s lightness in color as well as in personality. Eventually, Bee chooses the Honey he likes the most. While the word “honeymoon” implies that the first month of marriage is the sweetest, the following months are not too shabby either; after all, Honey never spoils, remember? But men should keep in mind that, unless they want their women to make a beeline for Utah, the beehive state, they should take care of them. Yes, Honey is sweet and kosher, but she has a complex taste and won’t stand for heated arguments. When they happen, she just gets all granulated and sulks. Rescue her by taking her on much-needed vacation in the microwave and, afterward, shield her from direct sunlight so she can remain wrinkle-free. You don’t want her to wind up at the apiarist now, do you?
Men, take care of your Honey – she improves your memory (“Your keys are on the desk!”), helps you fall asleep, soothes you during illness and comforts you with sweetness when you’re upset. Yes, she sometimes can be hard to handle – after all, she’s a concentrated nectar – what did you expect? She’s worth the effort, though.
But you probably know that by now. In case you needed some reassurance, here are two instances of people going above and beyond the normal means to obtain Honey. In 1984, cosmonauts constructed a honeycomb on a space shuttle in zero gravity. The same year, the French established a beehive on the roof of an opera house. So much trouble just for Honey; you can handle your wife’s occasional nagging on firm ground. You’ve already got her – don’t lose your Honey now!
Other than telling it like it is, Honey is devoid of negativity – she’s fat-free, cholesterol-free and sodium-free. A glowing energy booster, she’s the only one who embodies all the substances necessary to sustain you. Who else is going to make sure you get your antioxidants? Pinocembrin alone is worth its weight in gold; if it weren’t for Honey, you’d never see it. Why do you think they found Honey in King Tut’s tomb? That man knew what was good for him. Honey’s worth it.