Love, life and Judaism together after 70 years

Rita and Manny Stern

PHOTO | Stern Family

I had the great privilege of interviewing Manny and Rita Stern, parents of David Stern, long-term member of Temple Emanu-El of Providence. David has co-led the drumming and chanting service at the Soulful Shabbat services and now drums and blows the shofar on the High Holy Day services.

David brings his parents, who live in New York, to the High Holy Day services and I was so inspired to see them and watch his father Manny read the Haftorah. It brought me back to the days when my father, in his nineties, read the Haftorah at services.

So, I asked to do an interview with Manny and Rita for this issue of Jewish Rhode Island and here we are.

Manny, age 91, and Rita, age 89, just celebrated 70 years of marriage.

My work is all about positive living and positive aging and Rita and Manny’s relationship breaks through the myths of ageism as you will read in this remarkable interview:

What is your key to happiness for 70 years?

Rita: I would say compromise and love. It is important to be mindful and realize that life is not perfect and when things are out of balance, by being compassionate and thankful for what you have – you can accommodate.

Manny: Rita’s words are right on target.

What has been the role of Judaism and connection to Judaism throughout your lives?

Rita: This was in several stages. In our early life together when our children were growing up, we had Shabbat every Friday night. We sang songs and we invited friends over for Shabbat dinner.

All our children went to shul regularly, and camp and Hebrew school, and had a basic Jewish education.

Manny: We always found that getting together with family to celebrate the holidays was very important We still get together with our children, nephews and cousins and have 30-40 people every Thanksgiving. We cook together, sing Israeli songs and play guitar with our multiple generation family, ages 20 to 90. We all feel so connected and the togetherness is quite unbelievable.

What is your perspective on life at this stage of your life? (Manny still drives)

Rita: We are extremely blessed. At least two of our grandchildren call up every Shabbat to wish a good Shabbos. Our children include us all the time.

Manny: We have a tradition in our family when we get together. Rita contributes and always brings food like soups, salad and things that are special for children and grandchildren. Rita is a phenomenal cook.

When I first met Rita, she was in the kitchen cooking dinner. The children and grandchildren love the food. Even friends want her food.

This keeps us young – we are completely enjoying eating together and living together.

How have you handled conflicts in your marriage?

Rita: My parents told me never to go to bed mad. We have learned to be flexible. Kindness is very necessary to keep us both happy.

Sometimes we forget things and can be a little short-tempered as we are older. We should keep appreciating every single day we have today.

In the rare instances we forget, we get over it because we are in love with each other.

Manny: When we first got married on our honeymoon, I told Rita to shut up which she did for two weeks! I learned quickly to never use that term again. I can count on one hand the arguments we have had. We talk about how we feel and then it’s over.

How have you worked together as business partners for over 30 years?

Manny: I was a physicist with IBM in the beginning. I was in the food business with Rita where we had a bakery, a cheese shop and did catering. We were business partners.

Rita: I was in charge of quality control and the food, and Manny was in charge of marketing the business. My husband was always at my side as an equal. We shared roles at home as well, whether it was picking up the children or doing the shopping or laundry or driving the kids to Hebrew school. This was a joint affair, and we were and still are partners.

What is the key to your lasting love?

Rita: I am still in love today. I can look at Manny and feel my heart flutter - after all these years. That is a blessing I wish on all my friends.

Manny: I fell in love with Rita very quickly – I am in love with her in every sense and adore my wife.

I will close with the last sentence of my last email from their son David:

“Glad you enjoyed your interview with my parents. They are lovely people, and their marriage is a wondrous thing.”

I couldn’t say it better!

PATRICIA RASKIN, owner of Raskin Resources Productions, is an award-winning radio producer, business owner and leader. She has served on the board of directors of Temple Emanu-El, in Providence. Her “Positive Living with Patricia Raskin” podcast can be heard on voiceamerica.com