Jewish seniors are not passed over

Harry Bornstein is a volunteer at the To Life Center Adult Day Services.

At this time of year, we celebrate Passover, which recalls the exodus out of Egypt and commemorates our freedom from slavery. For those of us who work and volunteer with the elderly population, we have come to understand that in many ways, the struggles of our seniors reflect the struggles of the ancient Israelites in Egypt. How, might you ask, can we compare the journey out of Egypt to the journey of the seniors?

Many of our seniors spent years of freedom and independence in their youth, raising a family, working, driving and staying socially connected with their family and friends. However, as the heaviness of aging bears down on them, they experience the plagues of old age – multiple losses, grief overload, loss of independence, loneliness, boredom and helplessness;  these are just some of the whipping lashes they receive as they manage their day-to-day living. The bondage they experience as their identity seems to vanish into oblivion, wears them down – no longer do they have the freedom to cook, drive, make independent choices and even perhaps continue to live with the ones they love.

Now, while we at JSA do not have a Moses on staff, we do our best to facilitate miracles for our seniors. Our varied and diverse programs open for them a sea of opportunities, as we lead them away from the straights of aging. However, unlike the Angel of Death that passed over the Israelite homes during the 10th plague, we do our best not to “passover” the needs of our Jewish seniors. We all recognize how vital it is to honor our seniors at this stage in their lives. Jewish Eldercare of Rhode Island (JERI) recognizes the importance of reaching out to our seniors to make sure they remain connected to their traditions and their community.

This year, the staff of JERI has conducted nearly 35 mock Seders in nursing homes and assisted living facilities.  While we did not walk 40 years in the desert to do these Seders, we did cover the entire state of Rhode Island, all in just under three weeks. And even though the dough did not rise for the Israelites as they left Egypt, our seniors rose to the occasion by singing along, listening to the story, enjoying the familiar Seder foods and even trying gefilte fish for the first time in their lives. Of course, the JERI program is not just about model Seders; it is much more.

For members of the Jewish community who are shut-ins, facing hospital stays or residents of secular nursing homes and assisted living residences, remaining connected to the Jewish community can be quite a challenge. Thus, our outreach programs enlist a team of staff members and volunteers who realize that spirituality is critical to the happiness, and even emotional and psychological well-being of our elderly. Accordingly, JERI staff members regularly visit nursing home residents to observe traditions and holidays, and to conduct religious services and programs. Additionally, JERI introduces nursing home staffs to Jewish observances, traditions and dietary customs so that they can be more responsive to the special needs of their Jewish residents. This is accomplished by both special workshops and holiday FYI distributions.

We have worked with the staff at Shalom Housing by providing matzah during Passover for the meal site and connecting residents who need guidance with the rabbis at the JERI program. This is especially critical for unaffiliated members. This represents a true partnership among the agencies. 

At the To Life Center Adult Day Services, we offer weekly educational sessions along with holiday programming.

At Tamarisk, I serve as Jewish spiritual coordinator and work hand in hand with Joanne in activities. Weekly Bible study is conducted along with educational workshops with Judaic themes. In addition, we offer a weekly healing service and one-on-one Hebrew instruction. We conduct High Holy Day services, and Yizkor services during our festival holidays. Several years ago, we even conducted an adult b’nai mitzvah class.

One of the most important words in Hebrew is zachor, which means “to remember.” We have honored the memory of seniors from the former Jewish home by saying the Mourner’s Kaddish during the week of their yahrzeit. We also do this for those Tamarisk residents who have passed away as well as those in other facilities who have nobody to say it for them. The JERI program coordinates the names and provides them  to Tamarisk each week to be said during the Shabbat services.  Our program also is responsible for coordinating the volunteers for their weekly Shabbat services.

One of the most productive partnerships that the JERI program has formed is with Jewish Family Service. Susan Adler, JERI director, envisioned that since we were training our volunteers under the CHAVER volunteer program, why not invite the volunteers of JFS to our trainings, as we share similar goals and even some of the same volunteers. Thus, CHAVER College was born. Three times a year we meet as a group – sharing a light breakfast, listening to a guest speaker and sharing volunteer experiences.

Yet, what the JERI program seems to do best is reach out with one-on-one visits. The bonds that are thus created are very special and unique. We send birthday cards, leave Judaica art in rooms, and respond to family visitation requests. In this way, the JERI program truly bridges the gap from the community that the seniors once knew to where they are today.

Due to the myriad of services that JSA provides, such as Shalom Housing, the kosher food pantry, Tamarisk, To Life Center and the JERI programs, we honor our seniors. We try to make sure that we decrease the amount of bitter chrain they have to experience, and increase the amount of sweet haroset they can enjoy in their lives. And we didn’t make them look for the afikoman – we brought it right to their rooms. Why? Simply because they deserve it. We open our doors as an agency like we do for Elijah the prophet, and we welcome our Jewish seniors into our programs with an open heart.

And so, we say Dayenu… enough already!  Dayenu to their loneliness and isolation; Dayenu to their feelings of discontent and disconnection; Dayenu to their notion that life has lost its meaning. That is our haggadah – that is our telling. And may all our seniors go from strength to strength, looking forward to next year’s joyous, sweet and meaningful Passover.

RABBI ETHAN ADLER is assistant director of Jewish Eldercare of Rhode Island and rabbi of Congregation Beth David in Narragansett.