A word to the wise

I have had the opportunity on several occasions to engage in a discussion on aging with groups of individuals of various ages. When asked what comes to mind when they think about older adults, a number of unflattering words are usually mentioned such as frail, forgetful, slow, failing, demented and disabled.

Adolescents were generally serious and pensive with their considerations of these words. Adults, particularly those who were middle-aged or older, were often good-humored with their deliberations. However, author Robert J. Sternberg in his article “Older But Not Wiser? The Relationship Between Age and Wisdom,” indicated that when people were asked to name individuals who they thought were wise, older people such as Mother Theresa, Confucius, Socrates, Queen Elizabeth and the pope were referenced repeatedly. Fortunately, Sternberg’s exercise clearly supports the idea that many believe older people are indeed wiser despite the stereotypical descriptions used by the people to whom I have spoken.

What is wisdom? Wisdom is hard to describe because the concept is somewhat intangible, however, “Wikipedia” defines wisdom as the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight with good intention. What better way to gain these attributes than through life experiences? And the longer we live, the more experiences we encounter. That is not to say that only older people have wisdom.

As we go through life’s journey and face some of the major trials and tribulations that it has to offer, we gain greater perspective. We realize that our way of thinking is not always the right way. As a result, we learn how to better manage conflicts and we “get” the bigger picture. Things that we thought were so important to us in the moment, we realize are really not that vital. As Dr. George Vaillant, author on aging and wisdom stated, “Everybody’s definition of wisdom will be different in the words; but the melody, I suspect, will be the same.”  

Wisdom has both cognitive and emotional components. Simply stated, this means if we are wise, we understand and are empathetic. Wise people tend to be humble and able to communicate their insight. So in times of uncertainty, seek out older people for encouragement and lessons learned from their life experiences. They understand the challenges you are facing because they have already walked down similar roads. They have endured and survived life’s difficulties and can share their wisdom with you. Learn from them how to age wisely because, as Theodore Roosevelt said, “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.”

ERIN GISHERMAN MINIOR, LICSW (erin@jfsri.org), is CEO of Jewish Family Service.