Notes from a mother with two children getting married in the same year

Erin Moseley and Aji Mussafeer /COURTESY | JUDY MOSELEY

When you asked me two years ago if my two children were ever going to get married, my answer would have been “I certainly hope so but nothing is in the near future.”  Oops, I spoke too soon.  The year of 2015 will be very exciting in the Moseley family.  My son, Mark, will be marrying in August and my daughter, Erin, will be marrying in November.

I now officially have wedding on the brain.  Thank goodness it is not two daughters.  I have dreams about wedding disasters and keep a to-do list by my bed. 

As excited as I may be to start making all the arrangements, there are at least two important things I am trying to keep in mind:

1. It’s my children’s weddings, not mine. They both have very different ideas and plans of their own.

2. I want to enjoy the party, too. If I take over the planning, I won’t have time to do that.

Here are some things I am trying, and I stress trying, to do to keep the peace with the many personalities involved.

This is not the Oscars. No one is winning an award for the “Best Supporting Mother or Mother-In-Law in a Drama.” I am trying (there is that trying word again) to give my opinion once and if the brides or grooms decide not to run with it, I will let it go. Pushing my opinion to the point of confrontation only makes me stressed and crazy and my children angry with me. I need to remember that I must not be more focused on being right rather I must be focused on keeping the brides and grooms happy.

I’m “Type A” but that does not give me a pass to hound everyone and remind them of what they have to do. Micromanaging doesn’t make the wedding perfect, it just will get my children frustrated with me and not make it the simcha (happy) experience it should be.

The wedding planning is a long and tedious process.  I know from my own experience there are so many things that happen during the process, it’s almost unbelievable. My job as a mother is to support my children during the most important day of their life.

And finally, I am trying (that word again) to remember that weddings are a production. In order for the show to run smoothly, I have to allow my children to make the final decisions. As a mother I must be supportive in their decisions and remember that the day is all about the brides, but also the grooms. 

I know I will need to learn to count to 10, take a deep breath and then respond.  It may not always be possible but I so wish that both of my children and their spouses will still be speaking to me at the end.

I am looking forward to having my family grow and many new family traditions begin.

JUDY MOSELEY is executive director of Temple Beth-El in Providence.