Reaching out is Carol Desforges’ passion

Carol Desforges is a woman who can’t stop giving to others. Over the years, she has filled countless volunteer positions targeting several demographics. When asked what she hopes to give to others, she responds, “I’m just going from volunteer [position] to volunteer [position] to provide something for somebody.” 

It all began because Carol was teaching part time and had lots of time on her hands. She began tutoring students who had difficulty in math. Later, she adopted kids. From this, Carol became a Girl Scout troop leader for her child’s troop. She was active in one adoption support group and formed another. After one man’s wife died right before he was to meet his child from Korea, he was suddenly unable to adopt, as the law stated that only married couples could adopt from Korea. Carol, along with others, helped the man successfully adopt his child. 

Still with time on her hands, Carol began to volunteer at Dorcas International Institute of Rhode Island. Her favorite position there was helping with the Bridges program, which existed to help adults gain study skills before entering college. Carol also helped international families attain Grade Equivalency Diplomas. In turn, these families would give Carol hugs and kisses and call her their angel for all of the help she provided. 

Throughout the years, Carol has been involved with Temple Sinai as well as Temple Beth-El’s sisterhoods, even teaching fifth and sixth grades at Temple Beth-El for 12 years. Carol also volunteered at a suicide prevention hotline where she became the interim assistant to the director. She also worked as a dietitian, then assistant administrator at a nursing home.

After meeting a 23-year-old woman who told Carol that she hated her mom and could not forgive her, Carol decided to write. She wrote a short story about a dysfunctional family to try to help the young woman see what finding peace can look like. Later, Carol turned this book into a novel and has since written a prequel. The second book came soon after the Sandy Hook shooting and, and she uses her book as a space to explain why mental illness can turn violent. She is now working on a sequel with fantasy components. Carol said she writes both to give clarity to others and as a personal catharsis as her own mother had mental illness and then Alzheimer’s.

Carol’s latest undertaking is the Shmira Project. This project is a morale booster for Israeli soldiers. Each volunteer is matched with one soldier whom they can then provide with Jewish teachings or prayers, or do a good deed in honor of that soldier. Carol has asked her Mah Jongg groups to do good deeds in the name of the soldier with whom she has been matched.

Mah Jongg has been Carol’s passion for the past seven years. Initially, she got involved with the game for the same reason that many others – especially seniors – do: she was looking for a social group. She has watched the game transform the lives of many individuals for the better. For many, having a group to play Mah Jongg with on a regular basis provides much-needed community. Carol said, She also says that “Mah Jongg is a “life-saver to some people” because “it’s a de-isolating game.” Not only does it provide a community, but the game gives focus to a social situation. Having an initial common interest and talking point eases many into comfortable conversation.

Though Carol picked up the game in adulthood, the game is accessible to all ages, as it can even be modified for young children. After mastering the game, Carol once again seized the opportunity to give back, this time by teaching others Mah Jongg and consequentially, providing social opportunities. The game, in its simplest description, requires the players to understand seven basic rules as well as fine points and to be able to see patterns on tiles to pick a hand from “arbitrary numbers and symbols.”

A beginning group of players generally takes three to six months to learn and master the game, assuming that players meet once a week for two hours. 

When Carol trains a group, she uses the first session to teach the tiles, hands and rules; the second to teach players how to pick a hand and play using the rules; and all subsequent sessions continue until the group feels comfortable to continue on their own.

When teaching a group, Carol will stay with them for as long as necessary. If a group cannot do it alone, she will keep coming to their meetings so that it can be a social opportunity for the group.However, Carol assures that it is not a complicated game if you learn it the right way.

She has hosted the Annual Statewide Mah Jongg Tournament for the past three years.

The upcoming Annual Statewide Mah Jongg Tournament differs from most Mah Jongg tournaments in many ways. First, Carol creates a noncompetitive environment. The purpose of this tournament is fun and socialization. Carol hands out as many prizes as possible to encourage players to come out no matter their skill level. 

In the past, there have even been prizes such as kitchen towels (for players to wipe their tears). Carol emphasizes that while many people play Mah Jongg competitively, it is possible, and important, to play socially instead, with ample patience when others learn slowly.

Tournaments are often held with the purpose of fundraising. Carol keeps the entrance fee as low as she can so that more people can join in. Also in the spirit of inclusion, Carol’s tournament only requires players to complete a game in 20 minutes instead of most tournaments’ standards of 15 minute or shorter games. Additionally, most tournaments are days-long, whereas this tournament will be half an afternoon with only one and one-half rounds instead of the usual minimum of two. Keeping the tournament shorter allows more people to fit it into their schedule and is often easier to sit through. Also, it forces more player rotations, which allows players to meet more people.

The upcoming tournament will be held on Sept. 9 from 11:30 a.m.–3:30 p.m. at the Dwares JCC, 401 Elmgrove Avenue, Providence. 

To join, RSVP to Carol Desforges by Aug. 26 by email: johndesforges@verizon.net with a subject line of “Mah Jongg Tournament.” Space is limited to the first 100 players.

Dana Cohen is the summer intern at The Jewish Voice.