A photograph in Rhode Island; A connection to Israel

For those of you who do not know me personally or are unaware, my dear father, Dr. Ezra Stieglitz, passed away at the end of December. I found the shiva experience (the traditional seven-day period when visitors come to offer condolences and comfort the mourners) to be a deeply cathartic experience. There are many, many positive stories I could share about my seven-day experience (which I observed here in Rhode Island) during what has arguably been the most painful time of my life. As my articles are generally related to my life in Israel, I will share one shiva experience that is connected to my life in Israel. It blew my mind in terms of the odds of it even happening.

Jonathan Apfel, originally from Leeds in northern England, has been a dear friend since we became roommates in Israel several years ago. I eventually suggested that he go out with a young lady, Joanna, whom I met at a Shabbat meal. Joanna is now Jonathan’s wife and the mother of their two children.

Here in Rhode Island, I have known Dr. Michael Bharier for over 30 years. In that time, he has not only been my family’s neighbor, but a dear friend to my father.

While chatting with him during the shiva, he mentioned growing up in northern England. I knew he often assisted my father in finding places to stay with his family in Manchester, England, when my father was there on business. However, it was Dr. Bharier’s use of the words “northern England” that stood out to me when describing where he grew up. Since meeting my friend Jonathan, I have always associated northern England with Jonathan’s hometown of Leeds. I also knew that Jonathan’s grandfather was a rabbi in Leeds.

I asked Dr. Bharier if he by any chance knew Rabbi Apfel or anyone from the Apfel family in Leeds. He replied, “Yes, and I even have a photograph of him in an album back in my house up the street.” I asked him to send it to me, which he did. He specified that the photo was labeled “Apfel” and was taken in 1958. It depicted a man in a rowboat, facing the camera. There was also a lady in the boat with her back facing the camera.

I sent the picture to Jonathan asking him, “Is there any chance that this is your grandfather?” Jonathan replied that at first, he was uncertain, since he never knew his grandfather to be the type of person to use a rowboat. However, he was positive that the lady with her back to the camera and whose face could not even be seen, was almost definitely his grandmother.

He showed the photograph to someone who used to know his grandfather, expressing his uncertainty based solely on the rowboat aspect of the photo. The family friend explained that, not only was he confident that it was Jonathan’s grandparents but, back in his early years, Jonathan’s grandfather was a more “comical” person and therefore would have been the type to use a rowboat . As if all the pieces didn’t already add up, Jonathan sent the photo to his father, David. His father confirmed that those were his parents and even explained what they were doing at that particular place with the rowboat in the summer of 1958, since he was there, too.

When I shared these details with Dr, Bharier, he told me that he remembered one of Rabbi Apfel’s sons was there. Dr. Bharier was there with a summer camp group. He said he took the photograph because he thought it was cute sight to see Rabbi Apfel and his wife in the rowboat.

For the majority of my life, this photograph was right down the street from my home. In Israel, many years later, I met Jonathan Apfel. We became good friends, we were roommates, and eventually I helped introduce him to his wife. And then, during shiva for my father, I helped discover a photo of Jonathan’s grandfather that the Apfel family had never seen. To me, the odds of all of these factors coming together were astronomically low.

During the grieving process for my father, I have had occasional moments, which I know are common, where I hear or see something and think, “I should tell dad about this. He’d love to hear the story.” And then, a moment later, the harsh reality sets in that I can no longer tell him.

I told a friend that I wished I had put together this information about Dr. Bharier and my friend Jonathan’s Apfel’s shared home area in northern England while my father was still alive. A moment later, I realized that this improbable and happy chain of events, involving dear friends of both my father and myself, all came together when I needed it the most.

DANIEL STIEGLITZ (dstieglitz@gmail.com), originally from Rhode Island, immigrated to Israel in 2007 and currently lives in Jerusalem. He works in a nursery school for visually impaired children via the Jerusalem Municipality. His collection of short stories, “Tavern of the Mind,” is available for paperback and Kindle purchase on Amazon. www.amzn.to/2Izssrz.