Resolving conflict with Jewish values and High Holy Days principles

Jewish values are at the core of goals to resolve conflicts. These values are honesty, respect, communal responsibility, ethical conduct, honest self-assessment, seeing each other’s perspective, restorative justice and striving for peace

The following is an outline of five steps to resolve conflict.

#1- Define the conflict:

•Acknowledge that there is a conflict

•Name the conflict

•Identify the root causes

#2- Begin the dialogue in a safe space:

•Respect the dignity of all involved

•See each perspective fairly

•Keep the intent positive

#3- Engage in active and empathetic listening:

•Focus on underlying needs rather than surface-level demands

•Separate the people from the problem

•Listen deeply before reacting

•Model the value of curiosity in disagreement

#4 – Seek solutions through problem-solving

•Together, identify paths forward

•Use collaborative problem-solving to restore relationships (restorative justice)

•Aim for resolution that is acceptable and beneficial for all

•Create discussion that is rooted in honesty and humility

#5- Commit to a plan and follow-up

•Agree upon a solution

•Pursue justice and peace

•Make a clear commitment to implement actions and prevent recurrence

•Schedule follow-through to ensure accountability

In all these steps it is important to prioritize the needs of the community over individual desires

Core Jewish principles involved in this process are rooted in ancient legal and ethical frameworks and they form the basis for many practices now common in the field of dispute resolution. These principles are fostering a culture of respect, honesty and collective well-being throughout the conflict resolution process. Corresponding actions are compromise, active listening, mediation when needed and the pursuit of peace.

In his article “Understanding the High Holidays” on Aish.com, Rabbi Emanuel Feldman writes,“Bear this in mind: the overarching theme of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur is ‘change:’ to change from what we were before and to become new individuals. The motif behind it all is accountability. We are responsible for our actions. We do not live in a vacuum. What we do or say has an impact and a resonance in the world. Yom Kippur represents the potential for a human being to change and return: we are not eternally condemned to follow a certain habitual path; we do have the ability, if we so choose, to change our ways.”

The High Holy Days are a time to review the past and the current time and make changes for the future. In doing so, we can make course corrections so that past mistakes become powerful learning lessons. Suggested steps are keeping a journal, analyzing the process not just the outcome, seeking perspective from friends, mentors and colleagues and to do a “premortem” during which we spot risks before they occur.

PATRICIA RASKIN, owner of Raskin Resources Productions, is an award-winning radio producer, business owner and leader. She has served on the board of directors of Temple Emanu-El, in Providence. Her “Positive Living with Patricia Raskin” podcast can be heard on voiceamerica.com.